I read so many annoying articles and watched so many youtube videos for help with my new baby. From burping, feeding and swaddling, I watched them all. Somehow the instructions seemed to make each task seem easy and there was never a trouble shooting guide! With that in mind, here is what happened when I actually tried swaddling…
1. Place wrap down in a diamond orientation
2. Fold down top point of wrap
3. Place screaming, overtired baby on wrap, wait for them to thrash around for 10secs
4. Make shhh sound
5. Pick them up and pat baby’s bottom, keep shushing, hear crying escalate
6. Try not to lose your mind and definitely don’t cry or panic
7. Put baby down again
8. Fold right side of the wrap across baby’s body
9. Haphazardly tuck fabric behind their back
10. Keep shushing! Why did you even stop!? This is the sound you need to make for ever and ever!!
11. Realise baby has loosened the wrap by wriggling around so much
12. Give up and attempt to wrap left hand side of wrap around baby anyway
13. Wonder if it’s ok that the fabric is all bunched and weird looking
14. Decide stuff it, you’re all in now, so keep going
15. Pick up baby who is now blue in the face from screaming
16. You obviously can’t shh for shit so start singing
17. You can’t sing for shit either, start humming!!
18. Can’t think of a song so make a tune up
19. Sit down with baby and try to hum, rock, shh and pat baby to sleep, all at the same time
20. Your humming went quiet! Baby is crying again!! Hum louder!!
21. Wonder whose freakin’ idea it was to have a baby anyway!?
22. Oh that’s right it was yours…. Lucky baby is so cute and smells so damn great
23. Breathe in that baby smell
24. God that smells good… Maybe I will have another one, one day
25. Take note of your bits clenching in horror at your last thought
26. Baby is fussing again, why did you stop rocking out of sync with the patting!? Can’t you do anything right…!?
27. Figure out the wrap has come completely undone, as well as your sanity
28. Give up with a huff
29. Unwrap baby, give them a cuddle and feed that baby to sleep!
30. Well done, now try again next nap…. Or do what I did and buy a swaddle for dummies, complete with zips.
What was your swaddling experience?
Were you a swaddling ninja or a fail, like me?