I read an #ugh post on Pinterest on how best to prepare your marriage for a new baby… I mean, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but this lady was on a whole different page, no wait, BOOK than me. I’m a modern girl in a pretty equal relationship and although I’m married I don’t believe that marriage is the be all and end all to life.
We did some pre-marriage counselling before the church would agree to marry us so yeah, I definitely think there’s some merit to the idea of preparing yourself for parenthood, like you would for marriage. Most of all I think couples who are expecting should do it their own way, on their own terms, which now that I think of it may actually be different from mine..! But anyway, if you’re curious, here’s what I have to say on the matter:
Rather than trying to enhance your communication with your partner on how much you love, adore and worship them instead just get to the point: “I love you, but you’re driving me fucking crazy!?” works well.
“You’re my favourite but why the hell can’t you do what I ask, when I ask?”
Or my favourite…
“Playtime isn’t just for you, ya know? Can you cook the freakin dinner for once before the baby thinks you’re the fun parent and I’m the boring one!”
Instead of being “aware” of your wacky hormones and making every effort to not take your inner turmoil out on your partner, how about you just tell him that every day he remains alive is a good one. Every day he stocks up on the coffee, chocolate and wine is a good one too. And every hug, or squeeze, or smile of admiration from him makes it a great one.
Rather than making sure your baby AND your husband are equal on your priority list, why don’t you put yourself at the top of that dumb list?
Ok, here’s a secret that took me MONTHS to figure out…. No one cares for yourself better than you.
I had this mental tendency to put others first and therefore they just followed suit and thought it was ok. Once I started doing stuff for me I realised that the baby will always be cared for and loved, the house stuff will always get done eventually, and our relationship will always be nurtured BECAUSE I HAD THE EMOTIONAL CAPACITY TO DO IT ONCE I WAS TAKEN CARE OF FIRST. Without looking after yourself how the feck will you look after everything else!?
Look don’t even try to act like you’ll maintain all of your standards once baby arrives. That is NOT going to happen. You’ll maintain some of them, usually the ones that are important to you, and the rest will slide. And no, IT DOES NOT MATTER if your standards aren’t the same as your partners. If he/she feels strongly about it, they can do it themselves. For example: I don’t care about doing the dishes a certain way but husband does. I’d use paper plates if they didn’t ruin the bloody planet. So I leave it to him. He only made the mistake of criticising my dish washing technique once before realising that I was planning how to *dispose of his body after I killed him. (*joke)
5. Wait it out? Nope.
You’re fucking kidding yourself if you think life and your relationship as you know it will ever return to normal. I don’t say this to scare you, I mean to just prepare you. It’s true when they say it gets better but your life is from now onwards, forever changed. You can never go back. But this is a good thing! Your baby will fill in all the gaps of your heart that you didn’t even know were there, cause your face to wrinkle with smiles and your eyes to fill with tears at every beautiful, exhausting, exhilarating, painful, love-bursting-out-of-your-chest moment.
How did you prepare your relationship for baby?