When I struggled to get breastfeeding going, I couldn’t give up. That baby needed feeding and I wasn’t going to let go of a goal just because it was difficult (and my nips were red and raw).
When I couldn’t settle Mackenzie for naps, I had no choice but to push on. Some days I spent more time attempting to settle her, than she slept. And often I gave up, only for her to melt down shortly after.
When reflux hit, that was my first big mama challenge. An unwell child is awful. They need you and you need to be there for them. During those times, I felt like my life would never get better and some days the only thing that kept me going was that I had to be there for my daughter. There was no choice in the matter, which was freeing, in a weird way.
Most days have been really great and easy but my fussy eating, sometimes teething, sleep regressing, grumpy baby is a challenge, and I’ve spent probably three times more effort doing things for her than for myself.
I know all of the jaded people, or parents to adult kids who’ve forgotten what it’s like, or intentionally childless people might read this and think “get over it”, or “why did you even have kids if you’re going to moan about it”, or “that’s part of the deal”, or “suck it up, we’ve all been there before” but please; No one should wish sleep deprivation, anxiety or just numbness to the world around you, on anyone. Maybe that’s the silver lining to having such a teeny group of readers. lol.
And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE MY BABY. Becoming a mother was the best thing I’ve ever done, but gawd, some days I’d love to just say “I’m out”.
At the moment, I’m living in a house that’s always messy, with books and toys being constantly dumped on the ground, laundry piling up, food to be cooked and dishes to be washed. I’ve got clothes and shoes everywhere and a bed that’s constantly unmade. I barely have the mental space to eat breakfast before I have to run out the door to work, where I try really hard, everyday, to make a difference in my workplace.
I’ve been battling the sniffles too. Not enough to call in sick but just enough to make me feel off balance. And every day, I have to get up and hit the ground running. I have to be “on” for my family, especially my baby, “on” at work, “on” in order to do the house stuff… “On” all the freakin’ time!
Ugh. I need a break. Tell me I’m not the only one?
Does anyone have any tips to how to deal? Or is it a matter of chanting in my head “this too, shall pass”..?