This is something I’ve been thinking about A LOT. I keep flipping from thinking I’m ready for another to thinking “hell no, I can’t do this again. Ever. Ever. Ever”.
Take today as an example. This blog post comes to you with a side of “I don’t know what’s wrong with my baby” and a dollop of “but I can’t believe she kept me up all night and I’m surviving on one hour of sleep”. There’s also a smattering of “holy fuck taking a day off work is not what I need right now, I think I’m failing at everything”.
Safe to say I’m carting around mum guilt, career guilt, and a tonne of exhaustion and dire thoughts about the point of my life.
Just when I think “fuck yeah, I can parent!” life throws me a curve ball and I’m left feeling like an amateur again.
I’m kind of wondering if this is actually just parenthood in general and I just need to accept that and take the plunge? But back to my original question, when is a more preferable age gap for planning another Bub?
While pregnant with Mackenzie I remember saying, many times, that I wanted a three year age gap between my three (maximum) kids.
Main reason is that at three you get 20 hours free childcare from the NZ government when your kids turn three so you’ll be able to keep your older kiddos in care where they can be stimulated and have fun, and you can have 20 hours each week of new baby/mum time. Now, I just keep feeling terrified by the fact that I could be focusing on babies, handling shitty nappies and coping with exhaustion for the next TEN FREAKIN YEARS.
I don’t think I’m cut out for that long term torture.
Will I ever sleep again? Will I shower or pee alone EVER AGAIN? Will I always have a lumpy mum-bod if I’m going from baby to baby to baby? And what about my career? Something I’m really proud of, something I love. Will it have to go on the back burner for the next decade? Or longer?
For now, I’m not going to think about it. (Which means I will. Daily.) but I wondered if my wee audience had any different or similar points of view?