Babies and the age gap

 Here’s another question for the masses… If you’re wanting to have more than one kiddo, and if in an ideal world you could plan their age gaps, what would you go for?

This is something I’ve been thinking about A LOT. I keep flipping from thinking I’m ready for another to thinking “hell no, I can’t do this again. Ever. Ever. Ever”. 

Take today as an example. This blog post comes to you with a side of “I don’t know what’s wrong with my baby” and a dollop of “but I can’t believe she kept me up all night and I’m surviving on one hour of sleep”. There’s also a smattering of “holy fuck taking a day off work is not what I need right now, I think I’m failing at everything”.

Safe to say I’m carting around mum guilt, career guilt, and a tonne of exhaustion and dire thoughts about the point of my life.

Just when I think “fuck yeah, I can parent!” life throws me a curve ball and I’m left feeling like an amateur again.
I’m kind of wondering if this is actually just parenthood in general and I just need to accept that and take the plunge? But back to my original question, when is a more preferable age gap for planning another Bub?

While pregnant with Mackenzie I remember saying, many times, that I wanted a three year age gap between my three (maximum) kids.

Main reason is that at three you get 20 hours free childcare from the NZ government when your kids turn three so you’ll be able to keep your older kiddos in care where they can be stimulated and have fun, and you can have 20 hours each week of new baby/mum time. Now, I just keep feeling terrified by the fact that I could be focusing on babies, handling shitty nappies and coping with exhaustion for the next TEN FREAKIN YEARS.
I don’t think I’m cut out for that long term torture.

Will I ever sleep again? Will I shower or pee alone EVER AGAIN? Will I always have a lumpy mum-bod if I’m going from baby to baby to baby? And what about my career? Something I’m really proud of, something I love. Will it have to go on the back burner for the next decade? Or longer?

For now, I’m not going to think about it. (Which means I will. Daily.) but I wondered if my wee audience had any different or similar points of view?

6 thoughts on “Babies and the age gap

  1. I don’t think there’s any such thing as a ideal gap. It’s when your ready for another. I’m pregnant with my 2nd due in July and my boy will be 19 months by then. I do worry about coping and as a SAHM there’s also a financial aspect to consider.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Not really I always knew I wanted a small gap between the 2. It’s definitely hard being pregnant and having a toddler but the way I see it in 5 years wel be done with the teething and the nappies and potty training and then we can enjoying doing things as a family (not that I don’t enjoy them now).

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I have friends that wanted a small gap but miscarried, and then friends who thought they were all done and then had another at 3, 5, 7, and in one case 14 years. I think we all just do our best with what we are given. You can plan all you like but you’re always going to have to accept what is thrown at you (even if you are terrified). What if your baby number three ends up being twins? 😉 (My planned single baby was twins of course and I wouldn’t have it any other way!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Janine, I absolutely agree! I’m kind of leaning towards taking the plunge at the end of the year and see what happens. Babies are a blessing, and concerns around age gaps are minimal compared to the joy of seeing your children grow 🙂


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