Second time? No one cares

Argh fuck people. Honestly. 

I read a truth bomb online last week. A fellow mum was brutally shut down online for talking about weaning her baby when she was ready, however commentary seemed to indicate that she’d done it earlier than what people thought she “should” have.
In her blog she said: “Being honest about motherhood is ok, but only when it’s what people want you to say”

It’s true: we take one step forward towards making motherhood a little more positive and inclusive, and then if your pinky toe gets one inch out of line, you’re pushed back into your place with a: “What were you thinking, little mama; that you, as an individual, with your own thoughts and informed decisions, mattered?” *eye roll*

Here’s a real life example:  At a casual coffee catch up a while back, I asked a friend if she’d be having a baby shower, or morning tea, or lunch, or anything to mark the birth of a third baby.  Her friend, who I’d only just met, leapt in and said “oh god no! You can’t! That is so cheeky! I hate people who hold events just to get gifts”.  

I’m not gonna lie, I was so taken aback.  I didn’t mean it to be about “presents” I actually meant it to be about showing her a little support because even though she’s been there before, adding another baby to the mix is going to be hard for her. She’s going to need our love! But do you see what I mean?  One toe out of line… and ugh. Get back in your box mama.

When did we become so critical of mothers? Or really, just critical of each other? Actually no. Don’t answer that.
Don’t even think about that.
It’ll make your head spin, and your faith in kindness will dwindle.

If you ever wondered,  my own experience during this second pregnancy has actually been similar. No one gives a crap. I’m not saying this to have a whinge, I mean, most days I don’t give a crap either. However, after this whole thing came up I took some time to reflect, and I did wonder why this is. And I wondered how I should feel about how I got *all the love* during my first pregnancy, and how I’m getting none of it now.  And here look: I’m not the only one to notice it!  In fact, it seems like the lack of “give a fuck” continues once the baby arrives.

Look – I don’t know what it’s going to be like when this baby arrives, but I’m guessing (based on the fact that I already have a kid) it’s going to get harder rather than easier.
And although I’ve been there before, it doesn’t mean I’ll somehow not need anyone to check in, give their support, or drop by a freezer meal. 

And in reverse, if I think back I definitely didn’t give friends and family the love they needed during their second, third, or fourth pregnancies. So here is a big, fat SORRY to all of you, because I honestly thought you were super mama’s who had your shit handled and your cool confidence fooled me into thinking you didn’t need me. I know better now. You needed help, and someone to ask about you (only you), and someone to bring coffee, treats, and look after your kids. I swear, I will do better for those who go down this path after me. 

Did you notice a difference between your first and second pregnancies? 

Update: My friend DID have a morning tea, and it was lovely. All the gifts were simple and practical (I bought a box of newborn nappies. lol) and she felt special 🙂

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