I will never forget her… The nurse who scrunched up her nose, rolled her eyes and told me it was “not ideal to cuddle your baby, or look them in the eye when they wake at night”. It really hurt that to her, my instincts were wrong, and as a new mum I believed her. I believed her words over my own inner voice. I believed that she was right and I was wrong and OMG I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO AND THIS IS JUST GOING TO GET HARDER AND HARDER AND I JUST KNOW MY KID WILL NEVER EVER SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, OR BE EASY TO RAISE. Continue reading
It’s just another bloody thing to feel guilty about! Continue reading
The things you fixate on can be really dumb sometimes…
My darling girl just turned one so I’m weaning myself off pumping. When I went back to work she got really sick with an ear infection and then refused the boob. It was hard because I wasn’t ready but also because I had this predetermined idea that I’d breastfeed until she was a year old. I don’t really know where I got it from or why I decided it was a particular goal, but it is what it is.
I think it might be an accomplishment thing… Like, I don’t even want to lie that I feel quite proud that she got the liquid gold for as long as I could provide it.
Anyway, all this got me thinking about the things you fixate on!
They could be big, and usually the big things are the important things, or small silly things like:
– If your baby suddenly changes their poop schedule
– If they don’t drink their allocated 200ml bottle because the formula tin says they should
– If they don’t eat as much solid food as the Plunket chart says they should
– If your baby doesn’t sleep as much as that stupid book/magazine article/blog said they shoud
– If your baby gets nappy rash and that zinc cream everyone swears by doesn’t work right away
I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we can obsess about the little things to the point that we lose sight of the important things.
Like how my baby was happy (reflux episodes exempt), loved, cared for, warm, fed, and cuddled at all times. I know it’s really hard to get your head out of the day-to-day in order to think about the big picture but once I started to do it, I found it really helped my overall experience as a new mother.
So to my fellow māmā’s, try to focus on the little things that bring joy rather than the ones that can drive you crazy. Like that new baby smell, their first smile, their head resting on your shoulder, that little sigh of relief they do when you pick them up out of their cot when they’re crying. You’re doing an amazing job by worrying about those fixations, but they do no service to yourself if that is the only thing you focus on.
What were your fixations?
I am not usually a “New Year, New Me” type of girl… I hated resolutions, actually.
My thoughts on the topic was that I just didn’t see the point in deciding that there’s something special about the new year. If you want to change something, improve something about yourself or your life, why wait until a certain point in time? Continue reading
Ok lets get deep, about so-called miracles.
It’s a funny little term, isn’t it? Something of divine intervention and mystical happenings… I first started hearing this term on the daily when I was delivered of my baby – and in an odd way, it bothered me. Continue reading
At about 6 weeks old baby Mackenzie changed and she was not happy. Gone was my dreamy newborn and in came a cat napping, angry, spilly, gassy, mucousy baby. She slept for 10mins in her bassinet before screaming in pain and exhaustion, I’d go pick her up and she’d immediately spew or burb, then cry the most miserable wimper. Continue reading
Before kids I was a career girl – I absolutely LOVED my job, I’d show up early, leave late and check my email in the evening. I loved being a self starter who went with the career tide and came out knowing exactly where I fit in the world.
In a similar way, motherhood is one of those jobs you go into without qualifications, and completely unprepared for. It was totally mind blowing, challenging, out of my comfort zone and I loved it. I still love it!